The Truth About Honesty and Forgiveness

“I’ve learned it is much easier to speak only what is true because lies are just like boomerangs; they will still come back to you.” Linda Ellis.  An excerpt from the book Simple Truths of Life, watch the short movie Here: The Simple Truths of Life

I instilled in my boys from very young about the story The Boy who Cried WolfWhen they would do something wrong and try to lie I would tell them that the lie would have greater punishment than the actual action.  If they had a reputation of lying, soon no one would even trust a word that came out of their mouths, even if they were telling the truth. They learned very quickly to stop blaming others for their actions and to stop lying.  

As a child I know I must have tried to do the same things as my children did. However, my parents wouldn’t ignore the behavior, they addressed it immediately. During my lifetime I have had opportunities to blame others, keep silent or lie. Although I am not perfect, even when telling the truth was either difficult or embarrassing, I chose the truth. 

Our family has recently had to deal with a family member who continues to lie and deceive those around him.  We are being blamed for so many things, I can’t even begin to write about them all.  This latest one has escalated into something that is deceitful and to me downright dangerous and maybe even pathological.

As I did with my children, I called him out on this behavior. Although he is an adult, that didn’t set well of course. In this particular case it doesn’t matter what we know or say it will not make him stop. It will not make him see the damage he is doing to all of the relationships that he has conveniently removed from his path.

I feel that we were trying too hard to prove our innocence.  We were also too worried about what others were thinking. These are some of the things that we said to each other, “What if others believe their stories?, What will they think of us?,  What other things are they saying?” In the back of my mind I kept changing these thoughts to worry, worry about the children and worry about his mental health. 

We are devastated but need to keep them in our prayers and back away. God will take the reins so to speak and we have to have faith that at some point this will be addressed so the healing can begin.  We found that there has to be a balance between letting them know the truth and also the act of forgiveness.  It became futile to show them the truth, so forgiveness will win out in the end. 

How have you dealt with someone not being honest that affected you directly? I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.  

 

Image credit, Boomerang in Flight: fergregory / 123RF Stock Photo

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Lisa Ladrido (87 Posts)

Lisa is an R.N. Mom Blogger and the author of Mom Blogger Buzz. She writes about Social Media, Personal Development, Blogging Tips, Travel, Family, Health and Wellness. She and her husband live in the Seattle area. They have 5 sons, 4 grandchildren and 7 furry four legged children!


27 comments for “The Truth About Honesty and Forgiveness

  1. July 11, 2012 at 9:35 AM

    I think that’s the hardest part about situations like this. Walking away knowing they are on a path of destruction. I’ve seen the quote floating around Pinterest, “Act in such a way that if someone started talking bad about you behind your back no one would believe it.” I think that’s all you can do right know. Be your best you and pray that someday this person will see the error of their way.

  2. July 11, 2012 at 9:42 AM

    Hum, does a cheating ex-husband count? Okay, maybe not the right place for that story. I did work with someone once who lied a l-o-t, mostly about fellow workers. I’ll never forget the day I left that job she came up to me and told me how much she was going to miss me – because I was just so gullible it was really easy to blame her mistakes on me. She must have thought I was nuts because I just stood there smiling at her – what she didn’t know (yet) was the reason I quit that job was I’d been having an affair with the owner of the company and it was serious enough we didn’t want sneak around anymore – her day would (and did) come.
    Marquita Herald recently posted..An Exercise in the Art of Possibility ThinkingMy Profile

    • July 11, 2012 at 9:46 AM

      A cheating ex-husband would count, during the time they are cheating they are lying to their spouse, at times to their new girlfriend and to themselves. Thanks for sharing Marquita! It is too bad about your previous job situation.
      Lisa Ladrido recently posted..The Truth About Honesty and ForgivenessMy Profile

  3. July 11, 2012 at 9:44 AM

    I’m sorry to hear what you are going through, Lisa. It sounds almost unreal…I’ll never understand why family is always the worst to each other. I have not experienced anything like this, so the best I can say is…get them out of your life. And then pray for them. Pray to see them as they really are, God’s children. Pray to know that evil always destroys itself in the end and that you cannot be harmed by false accusation. I know that God wants us to stand up for ourselves, so you’ll have to do that, but in the most Christian way possible! You know you have all your friends’ support, so stay strong!
    Beth recently posted..10 ThingsMy Profile

    • July 11, 2012 at 9:48 AM

      Thank you Beth. I know last night when I was trying to sleep and couldn’t I just kept praying to God for their protection and ours! He really is the only one to fix this. Sadly this has been going on for years and it has never been addressed. I really appreciate your comment, it is so true.
      Lisa Ladrido recently posted..The Truth About Honesty and ForgivenessMy Profile

  4. July 11, 2012 at 9:50 AM

    This is what really stood out for me in your post: “I feel that we were trying too hard to prove our innocence. We were also too worried about what others were thinking.”

    I’m sorry that you’re going through this and I wish I had some magical advice that will help you reach the Ah Ha moment.

    In my life, my boyfriend’s mom and sister don’t like me. They don’t feel comfortable with their dislike, because they’re worried about what it says about them. They’re not racist, just bullies. Every couple months, they come up with an imagined slight that I levied against them. I don’t speak to them off line or online, I rarely see them (their choice), however, every two months I get a long email detailing what I did wrong, telling me how negative I am, and it breaks my heart.

    I appreciate your frustration, but I’ve had to finally let it go. It doesn’t feel good, but I had to remove myself from the equation and stop feeding the negativity. There’s nothing I can do to change the choices these women make and there’s nothing you can do to make your family member see the light.

    I’ve learned that people do things like this to redirect the spotlight from them to others. To show “see, they’re no better!” and provide themselves with some comfort. But these people go to bed every night with the truth of the damage they’re causing and if they’re unwillling to make things right, if they insist on believing their lies, then we have to leave them to that comfort, take a few steps back and walk away.

    It’s not an ideal situation. Personally, I would love people to wake up, but it’s not my place to shake them into sense; I have to let them walk their path and pray that they find peace.

    Best of luck to you.
    Kimberly, The Fur Mom recently posted..Dog Training Tip | Save Your Carpet, Potty Training a New PuppyMy Profile

    • July 11, 2012 at 10:22 AM

      That is so true Kimberly. I am sorry to hear about your situation too. Family can be the most trying of all relationships. We are stepping back, of course with negative comments too. You really can’t win in these types of things. We are planning to move out of the state soon, so hopefully we will be in a healthier location and not feel the direct pain on a daily basis. Thank you so much for commenting. Lisa
      Lisa Ladrido recently posted..The Truth About Honesty and ForgivenessMy Profile

  5. July 11, 2012 at 11:48 AM

    I’m with Marquita on the cheating x part LOL- Lisa it’s super hard when it’s blood because well who want to not be with family? But all you can is pray and know that you are doing the right thing. You cannot change them but you can change how you RESPOND. For your sake and your man’s don’t let it stress you. Stress is the number one cause of sickness and who will I bug and call every day if you get sick LOL ? Don’t worry about what people think- all that matters is love your grand babies every chance you get and love the lying family member too :) Because they are really hurting. Love you my sweet friend!
    Lisa Cash Hanson recently posted..Go Big Or Go Home- Are You Settling When You Were Born For GreatnessMy Profile

    • July 11, 2012 at 2:32 PM

      Lisa you are so right. And also about the part that you would have to find someone else to “bug”! You never bug me, I love hearing M squealing in the background every morning! Love you too!
      Lisa Ladrido recently posted..The Truth About Honesty and ForgivenessMy Profile

  6. Gerry
    July 11, 2012 at 12:51 PM

    Wow. Tough call here. Sometimes I just let their lie slip by (I’m talking adult lies). It’s funny how some people I know will stretch the truth on a lot of things. My intuitiveness tells me otherwise.

    People are scared sometimes to tell the truth. Sure, you can suffer the consequences short term, but in the long term it’s usually best to come out with it. I recently blogged about a company that had a mess to clean it and went public with it and turned it into a positive PR opportunity. Smart. Other companies try to shove it out of the rug and eventually get caught. Not smart!

    • July 11, 2012 at 2:34 PM

      I know we have done the same, we just let it go. But for them how are they ever going to change? Plus I just couldn’t continue to deal with it like that. That is amazing that the one company turned it into something positive. We all make mistakes and it is great to see when they admit to them. Thank you Gerry as always! Lisa
      Lisa Ladrido recently posted..The Truth About Honesty and ForgivenessMy Profile

  7. July 12, 2012 at 4:57 AM

    I’m so sorry you have to deal with him acting like that. It is so frustrating to have that in your life. Sounds like you are taking the right approach by taking a step back. I understand the frustration and worrying about people believing lies. I’ll be praying for you.
    gina valley recently posted..How To TOTALLY Over Do ItMy Profile

  8. July 12, 2012 at 8:29 AM

    Oh yes, been there, done that and am somewhat still dealing with it from several different corners of my world these days. Makes you kind of wonder whether it is something in the air causing others to behave in such a manner. But…what I eventually had to do was just step away from the situation; as difficult as that may be (depending on who the offending party is to you). Eventually the truth does win out…but I can totally understand your ‘worry’ about others believing their lies and how others are looking at you because of them. I deal with that fallout on a daily basis; and it is hurtful to say the least. People are so quick to believe a lie over the truth….I am still battling with ‘let go and let God’ –it is difficult to let go of things that impact your life in such a damaging way. I pray that you find the peace that you need to get through this. You are in my thoughts always….~Big hugs, xoxo
    Mitzi recently posted..Pawn Shop TreasuresMy Profile

  9. July 12, 2012 at 1:15 PM

    Thank you Mitzi. Healing has started reading all these wonderful comments too. I seem to remember you dealing with these issues. My husband is having a tough time. Today he continued with chest pain and is so saddened. I am going to pm you as soon as I can. Hugs to you too. I so appreciate you!
    Lisa Ladrido recently posted..The Truth About Honesty and ForgivenessMy Profile

    • July 12, 2012 at 2:21 PM

      Yes, unfortunately I have dealt with and am still dealing with it. Sometimes I wonder whether I’ll ever be done dealing with it. During those times, I draw away from a lot of things…blogging, FB and the like. It sort of puts you in a position where you just don’t know who you can trust…so you back yourself in a corner and trust no one. But, that in itself leads to a very lonely life, which again, regretfully I know far too well. I am saddened to hear that it is impacting your husband in a physical manifestation….that is not good, no matter how you slice it. I will keep you guys in my prayers…I greatly appreciate you too…more than words could ever convey.
      Mitzi recently posted..Pawn Shop TreasuresMy Profile

      • July 16, 2012 at 8:55 PM

        Thank you so much Mitzi. Life can be wonderful and at the same time so painful, however faith is the only thing that keeps me going. My hubby has been fine now that we are away from it all. I know about the loneliness, it isn’t good. I too use social media where I have found great friends! Thank you for your prayers, they are helping us deal with this.
        Lisa Ladrido recently posted..The Truth About Honesty and ForgivenessMy Profile

  10. July 12, 2012 at 6:35 PM

    It’s so difficult to not react and defend in these hurtful situations. I know from our conversations, and learned even more-so from the post you wrote for my blog, that you are one of the strongest women I’ve met. I believe your faith and prayers will see you through to the light at the end of this tunnel. Sending love, prayers and hugs for you and your family.

    • July 16, 2012 at 8:57 PM

      Thank you Kelli! I think women are the toughest creatures on this earth! God made us this way as we have to deal and care for so many. Thank you so much for your friendship and prayers.
      Lisa Ladrido recently posted..The Truth About Honesty and ForgivenessMy Profile

  11. July 16, 2012 at 11:15 AM

    “Keep them in our prayers and back away”–gorgeous. We also have been struggling with a really tough family situation. I need to let prayers fill my mind and let go–thanks for the reminder!
    Meredith recently posted..The Magazines of Our Mothers: The Monday ReviewMy Profile

  12. July 16, 2012 at 2:29 PM

    Our family was almost destroyed by the lies of others. What surprised me was the other family members would rather believe a few choice lies than to judge us by who we really were. In the end, forgiveness and love won out. But, it was a hard and humbling experience. We had to remove our selves from certain family members, until they were ready to be friendly again, there are still tender feelings, but we trust the Lord.
    Becky Jane recently posted..Our Cottage – Main RoomMy Profile

    • July 16, 2012 at 9:04 PM

      Hi Becky Jane, I seem to remember you going through something like this. I think the hardest thing was to be blamed for something that we didn’t do, the smugness of this person and the action that he took to deceive others into thinking this. Trying to figure out why since we have always been there every time they needed something, loving them no matter what. I know we won’t probably forget this if ever resolved but forgiveness and love is what God wants for us. Thank you for your prayers and support. Love, Lisa
      Lisa Ladrido recently posted..The Truth About Honesty and ForgivenessMy Profile

  13. August 4, 2012 at 7:53 AM

    It is so true that lies do come back. People often lie because they are ashamed or don’t want to feel guilty but in the end you can’t just lie once, it always turns into more lies which snowball and take away from the satisfaction and confidence of the person telling the lie.

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